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| Today is just another emotional day. The conversations with mom and dad have already drained all my energy. That's why i am taking a moment to write and for a little bit of "me" time.
Yes I have said so many times what I have to say. I got frustrated so many times but I just keep trying, hopefully one day my word would eventually go through them. They seems okay now but I know they will come back again. So I will try my best to continue...
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| suddenly feel very sad and emotional again. there is a heavy weight pressing upon my chest and pressure is choking my throat. i do have the urge to cry but tears just fall back to my heart. i am relieved that i know what i am going through. i have been seeing professional help and taking medication, but yet, this journey is so tough and so painful sometimes that i doubt i would never be fine and cherrful again. i still have difficulty to tell people around me what i have been feeling and experiencing except my really close ones. sometimes i even feel really bad for them that they have to put extra effort understand the inner-me or hidden me. anyway, by writting this down here, is also a healing process. so for those who read this, thanks for reading and listening. | | |
| my heart is empty. can i continue with this? i am trying to stay out of this battle, but i still somehow get involved in it. who should i trust? who is telling the trust and who is telling lies? i am so scared. there is a little girl who is longing for warmth and peace. everyone is struggling, maybe i should do something so that the struggle can be stopped. blank, blank, blank. what? yea, i am still breathing. so? i am not sure. hope? haha. you never know. | | |
| Another night, another call, another fight, another hang-up, another depressed one. | | |
| I am quite speechless right now....after talking and fighting with my mom over the phone. I understand she is upset and angry with my dad's wrong deed but sometimes I really think she is just over the boundry. Yes, I am her daughter, what i say to her is strengthless and worthless, and I will never understand her feelings. But really, can she slow down a little bit? Can she give everyone a little break? Can she give her and others a chance to breath? I am so frustrated. Feeling so guilty that I am not a sensitive and empathetic person in this situation. | | |
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